I recently found myself at a 10 day silent meditation retreat. No talking. No cell phones or electronics. Nothing but 10 solid days of silence and meditation with a bunch of strangers who are all slowly going insane.
After a couple of days of nothing but silence, meditation, and reflective thoughts I realized suddenly, out of the blue, I could hear people’s internal thoughts. And I’m excited, and half wondering if this is it? Have I officially pulled into Crazy Town? Then I start to wonder, is this the secret reason we are all here? Is everyone else is experiencing the same thing? So I decide to test it out with my roommate that night.
We are sitting in the room that evening and I make eye contact with her and in my mind I ask, “Can you hear me?” And she stares back at me and says, “What is she doing?” And I say, “I’m reading your thoughts, can you read mine?” And she says, “This chick is SO weird. WTF is she staring at me for?!” And I realized that she definitely cannot read my thoughts! And I also realized that I had ruined any chance of her being my new best friend. So I sat there, no longer daring to make eye contact, having to listen to her internal monologue for the rest of the night. Let’s just say, it took her quite a while to get over my little experiment, and that I came to know more about this stranger than I should be allowed to.
The next day I decided to have a meeting with one of the head counselor/gurus. I go into his office, sit down, stare at him and silently ask the question, “Are we able to have this meeting without speaking?” And without hesitation or shock, he says, “Yes, if that’s what you would like.” And I’m blown away, like beside myself, there is no WAY that just happened! But he is as calm as can be. So I’m like, OK Wendi, play it cool.
I go on to say to him silently, “Just yesterday, it came to my attention that I can hear people’s thoughts. This is new for me. Although, I’ve been told that I am an Empath and that some sort of gift would open up to me at some point. And it would go beyond needing to cry at every movie and feeling really uncomfortable in business meetings that were not going so well. So I’m not entirely shocked. I just didn’t expect it to happen now or knew what it would be like. I definitely didn’t think I would actually be able to read people’s minds or thoughts and have whole conversations that were unspoken. Anyway, so I wasn’t quite sure what was happening yesterday and I tried to test it with my roommate last night and realized that she isn’t experiencing what I’m experiencing and can’t hear me. But I can hear her loud and clear. And it’s gotten uncomfortable for me in the room because I feel like it is an invasion of her privacy. So I’m here because I was wondering if I could switch rooms, to partner up with someone else who can also read thoughts so that we are even and can communicate with each other.” The counselor responded to me by silently saying, “It would better serve you to learn how to turn it off and on when you need to.”
He then taught me a technique on how to tighten up my aura to help block out the noise and protect myself from the outside world. Afterwards he says to me, “Now that you’ve opened this gift and learned how to control it, it’s time to go deeper with your meditation. Go beyond the superficial level of the mental dialogue and noise in our brains. There is a plane of higher consciousness, which lies much further beyond the confines of language. By continuing to practice silence and meditation, you will be able to tune into it.” I already know he’s not going to draw me a map to this higher plane, so I say “OK” and “thank you”, and start to leave. And he silently indicates for me to follow him.
The counselor/guru leads me back into the large meditation room where everyone else has already begun the day’s practice. I normally would have sat near the back of the room, but as I try to veer off and go to my habitual spot he again motions to me to keep following him. He takes me all the way to the front of the room with the more serious students and indicates that I should sit here. I turn to him to say my silent thank you and decided to ask, silently of course, “Why do you want me to sit here?” And as I think it, the person next to where I am about to sit silently says, “Shh!! Please mind your thoughts.” And no joke, my eyes get huge and my face lights up with the biggest smile ever! And the counselor/guru winks at me as if to say, these are your people. Then he silently reminds me, “Feel for the higher frequency that you are now surrounded by, and tune into that.”
I sit down and take several minutes to situate myself. Once I am settled in, I close my eyes take several deep breathes and reach out to read the thoughts of the people near me. Is that what I’m supposed to do? And yet, I hear nothing. I literally hear nothing. Total mental silence. So I reach out again, much further and I notice all of the people in the back are actually thinking quite loudly as they struggle through their meditation practice. But I notice that here, up front, we seem to be inside some sort of field that shields us from their thoughts creating that sense of mental silence in this part of the room. And so I sit there, diligently trying to tune into the deeper conversation that the guru mentioned. And at the end of the day’s practice, I am exhausted and frustrated because I had nothing but deafening silence around me all day long. And again the same thing happens the next day.
On day 6 of the retreat, suddenly something happens. I find it! It came on the first time kind of like a whoosh as if I had passed through some physical barrier. Then a vibration came over me. I was familiar with the vibrational state associated with astral travel, so I knew not to be alarmed by it and told myself to remain calm and let it expand within me. Then, it was like I was moving around but the air had gotten thicker, or maybe I had gotten thinner. Or like my body mass had lost its density. Like the molecules of my body had spread so far apart that I was moving through a great expanse of space all at once. Or better yet, it was like I had left my physical body behind and was now functioning from my spirit body. And I wanted to fly, like in my dreams, but my attention was drawn because I noticed that all around me I was hearing a soft whisper. I had to listen really closely to understand it. It was like trying to tune into a radio station on an old radio by rotating the round dial back and forth until it comes in clearly. And finally, after some time and a lot of patience, the whisper got clearer and louder and I could understand it!
I sat there at attention, drinking it in for a very long time and then it dawned on me. It was a prayer. Someone was praying! A steady stream of prayer, in a cadence. But it was a prayer like none I’d ever heard before. We were so far beyond words, I couldn’t even repeat it now. It was a prayer written in feelings, and symbols, and love, and song, and rhythm. It was like reading braille, if the braille had been made up of the fabric of the Universe, and every time a letter was touched it sang through the sheer act of being touched.
And then the voice changed, but the prayer song went on. And after it happened a couple of times, it dawned on me that it was a prayer chain being sung by an unknown number of souls, one at a time. I sat there listening in awe, for the next several days. It was honestly nothing short of glorious just to sit there listening to it.
On the third day of listening to the prayer song, quite unexpectedly, it was my turn to sing. I don’t know how or why I knew that. But, as the current singer wound down, there was a warm vibrating sensation in my heart chakra that told me to sing. And I started off hesitantly, low and quite unsure of myself. But by then I knew that I had the song down, and something told me to just open up and sing with all of my heart. So I surrendered to the moment. I truly forgot myself, and I connected heart to voice. And I sang. I sang as if it would be my last song ever.
And when I did, it was like something else sang through me. And I realized, I was not alone! The Divine was there with me and sang the prayer through me! And in that moment, I was not me. Not the physical me that is Wendi who walks the Earth. I was not even the spiritual essence of me. I was the instrument, and The Divine held me and sang ME. And with me bearing witness, The Divine Being, Creator of All That Is sang The Divine Prayer weaving together the very Fabric of the Universe with this song, and in that way we majestically co-created.
We created mountain tops.
We created valleys.
We flipped the frozen lakes
and put the sun to bed.
We spun the moon,
and wrung rain from the clouds.
We shook the trees,
and spread the forest’s seeds far and wide.
We shot Cupid’s arrows of Love into the hearts of people passing by.
And sent shooting stars through the night,
Like rubber bands from finger-guns with hands waving high.
Pew! Pew! Pew-Pew!
We wrote our names in the sky
With the light of new stars,
like sparklers on the Fourth of July,
that people on Earth won’t even see
until millions of light years have gone by.
We traced a rainbow from the tippy-top of Haleakala
All the way across the Pacific Ocean,
And connected it to another rainbow in Santa Barbara.
And left it there to be discovered
by the lovers and the dreamers.
We steered comets through the deepest reaches of the Universe.
We turned black holes into white,
Dark matter into light,
Making particles into waves and back into particles,
every time the scientist blinked!
We created a new planet,
and tore it down,
and rebuilt it again
using a different color palette.
We harvested the love that grows inside the fruit on the trees.
And like mad chemists combined it with cosmic dust,
and ocean water from the deepest depth of the bluest seas,
and used it to give birth to New Souls.
We held the hands of the young and the old,
and the frightened and weary.
All of them, as they were taking their last breath.
And we brought those souls back home with us,
uniting them with family.
And all too soon my song was over.
And the next singer picked up the song,
and picked up the fabric,
and kept weaving.
And I wept at the beauty of it all.
I came to realize that with every day,
in every moment,
we are singing our song and weaving the stories of our soul.
All That Is.
2 Replies to “The Fabric of the Universe”
wow. wow. wow.
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Thank you for reading!